January 2, 2015
It’s an outrage! Last night my simple request for a cashmere throw for my rock hard, spartan bed was refused on the grounds that I am a prisoner not a celebrity! Not a celebrity! Me!
I was shell shocked!
I asked them, Do you know who I am?
You, they said, are the speeding Egg who ran over a poor sweet panda who was crossing the road.
Well I ask you! I mean what was the silly bear doing crossing the road? Doesn’t she understand that only chickens should do that? I should know. I am an expert on chickens.
And to make matters worse, today I have been forced to share a cell.
With a potato!
So here I am, on the second day of the new year, when I should be amazing my fans, face to face with a disorderly potato.
I mean, how bad can it get?